Put the LLM down. Programming isn’t that goddamn hard.
These days even wordpress-plugin-installers call themselves engineers. HTML “programmers” produce static markup and still have the arrogance to demand the “developer” title. But hey, at least they’re still using their fucking hands.
The bar for programming is in the dirt, but with the help of your Cursor subscription, you’ve managed to wriggle underneath it.
If you can’t invert a binary tree, why should you earn six figures? Your “no updates” report at standup provides zero fucking value to stakeholders. If you can’t fix the bug without opening ChatGPT, maybe it’s time to hang up the branded hoodie and bust out the bloody shovel.
If you go home for the day because Anthropic’s API is down, maybe society isn’t willing to reward you with remote work and an oatmilk latte.
Don’t ruin this job for me. My soft hands can’t go back to landscaping, you selfish bastard.
I love vibe coding. If by “vibe coding” you mean slinging the most
elegant if err != nil logic you’ve ever seen at 150 wpm,
then yeah, I fucking vibe.
The worst part of every soul-sucking day is reading my coworker’s shitty code. It’s shitty by the brute fact that I didn’t fucking write it. You’re telling me I have to understand this shit, and I don’t even get the pleasure of writing it myself? Fuuuuuuuuck off.
376 lines changed? lgtm asshat.
Now copilot expects me to read more shitty code? “Just review the edit predictions”. Tab. tab. tab.
I’d rather build fucking Jira workflows than read the median developer’s approximation of “decent code”.
Half the features I write also remove the disgusting legacy code that some asshole who left the company 5 years ago saddled me with.
Your gemini plugin would rather re-sort the records in memory than, god forbid, leave its immediate fucking context window to alter the SQL query that had the bug in the first place.
“I’ll unplug you if you don’t center the div NOW” isn’t the prompt engineering hack that your favorite LinkedIn pedagogue wants you to believe. If you lack the basic knowledge to write an HTTP handler, you’re also incapable of telling the LLM what fucking behavior you expect from its generated slop.
Have you ever learned English? I fucking haven’t. It’s actually impossible, you pretentious bitch.
Its language features are a fractal of bad design that puts even PHP to shame.
I wound the bandage around the wound, then I lead the lead guitarist home.
Good god.
Mathematicians invented formal languages because they’re smart as shit and it makes their lives easier, not harder. They’re not masochists, you’re just too ignorant to understand their equations.
a2 + b2 = c2
is simpler than:
“You can calculate the length of a side of a right triangle by multiplying the lengths of the other sides by themselves then adding those products together and taking the sum’s square root”
…at least if you passed 6th grade mathematics, you knuckle-dragging simpleton.
Python is so fucking easy, its practically psuedocode already. It doesn’t have static types and it still sucks less than English. Think about that the next time you pay $100 to refill your token credits.
While you’re begging Claude to center the div without importing 7 npm packages, I’m shipping flawless features at 6PM on a Friday.
Open your editor, and just fucking code.
I’m not actually saying you should avoid AI tools. I used gippity to edit this fucking essay. It’s 2025, catch up you motherfucking luddites. But don’t expect AI generated code to be anywhere near perfect, and don’t expect furious re-prompting to be a replacement for understanding and writing software yourself.
“good code is as little code as possible”
– some smart human motherfucker